Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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