She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
