God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
