im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
