how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
