If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
