What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
you inspire me to be a worse person
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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