Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
