I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
