somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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