This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
