she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
