I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
