it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
