Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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