True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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