they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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