official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
