I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
