My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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