Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
