Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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