When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
