So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
