I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
