she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
