my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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