So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
