You made me cry and you don't even care
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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