I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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