he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
