You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
50% drunk capacity currently
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
