I could have mohawked her pubes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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