plz talk dirty to me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
