your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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