yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
