lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
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I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
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We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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