When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
