now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
