Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i think i have herpe
just one?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
