wrigley field is MILF paradise
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
