A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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