the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
where are my eyebrows?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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