the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
