your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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