Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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