He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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