There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
