I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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