I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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