the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
