At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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