Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
