I will die if light touches me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
