I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
