The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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