When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
they're like a gay fantastic four
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
