grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
