one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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