I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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