nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
