Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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