I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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