ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
