So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
