the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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