I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize