I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
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Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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