Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
where are you?
Hypothermia
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize