I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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