im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
