So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
