508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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