i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.