Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
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I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.