dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.