The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
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What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it